 | In 1998, I had learned from my doctor that I was borderline placenta previa during my pregnancy with my first son and could possibly hemorrhage during childbirth. He asked me which of my parents had my blood type in case of the need for a transfusion. I contacted my mother to ask whether she or my dad had my blood type. She then informed me that my dad was not my father. I was devastated and 38 years old at the time. He was the only father I had ever known. I felt betrayed and that my life was a series of lies. I had been told I looked like dad’s mother, was built like my dad, had his eyes, bone structure, etc. I simply became enraged and felt incredibly empty.
My forbade me to speak of this to my father or my brother; however my two half sisters (from my mother's first marriage) knew but were never to talk about it to me. My mother said she was never going to tell me as she didn't feel "it mattered." As you could imagine, having learned of this as an adult and in the midst of my first pregnancy, the stress and emotional strain alone became overwhelming. I've yet to regain a sense of closeness with my mother or siblings.
The worst scenario is that now that my legal father passed away on Christmas day last week, and although I flew home immediately upon learning of his death, I couldn't bear to attend his funeral beside my mother and siblings. I felt I had made my peace with him privately at the hospital the night he died and flew home to be with my husband and children without attending the formal service.
Upon my return home, I attempted to contact my biological father. Shockingly, I was told by his wife that he passed away just 4 weeks ago in November. My reality now is that my legal father never knew I wasn't his and I was never given the chance to meet my biological father when the opportunity existed. He lived within 15 miles of where I was being brought up.
I am 41 years old, married, with 2 boys (ages 3 and 5) with whom I plan to share this information. Now that both of my fathers are gone and my mother failed to assist me in gaining any sort of closure on this, when we had the chance, how do I overcome or put into perspective the feelings I have toward my mother and siblings?
I look forward to your feedback.
Sincerely,
missmydad |
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