Reading to Children in Times of Stress

September 08, 2008

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Reading to Children in Times of Stress

by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P.

The terrorist attacks that occurred on Tuesday, September 11, and the anger and talk of war that have followed, have left many children worried and afraid. By now, most parents know how important it is to shield their children from constant exposure to disturbing, violent images--particularly on television, with it's heightened emotional impact--and to reassure them that they are safe and loved. Beyond that, what can you do to help your children cope? As simple as it may seem, one of the most positive and pleasant things you can do is to look at books together.

Why reading aloud helps
One very important reason why reading aloud is such a powerful way to help a child deal with emotionally upsetting events is the simple fact of physical closeness. Human beings have a deep-seated instinct that connects physical contact--touching--with feelings of safety and with physical relaxation. A good book provides parents and children with something to do while they cuddle up together--the cozy and secure feeling of a parent's lap being perhaps the most comforting part! The shared enjoyment of stories, poems, and illustrations also helps parents and children feel close.

Distraction is important as well. A good way to cope with anxious thoughts and feelings is to focus one's attention on something else. Few things are more engaging than a really good story. A temporary escape into humor and fantasy can be great therapy when reality is sad or scary.

If reading aloud has been a daily ritual in your home, by all means continue to do it, since children rely on predictable routines for their sense of security. You might even consider letting story time last longer than usual (say, three or four picture books instead of the usual two), particularly if your child is anxious about going to sleep. And if reading aloud has not been part of your daily routine, it is one that your child will likely be very receptive to starting.

The things that make reading aloud to a young child so comforting--the physical contact, distraction, and shared enjoyment--apply just as well to older children and adults, too. Of course, a child who is old enough to read may want to do some of the reading aloud himself. As a parent, your participation as listener can be just as comforting as when you are the reader.

Choosing the right books
If your child has specific worries--about airplanes, for example--or a more general concern about death, you may be tempted to look for books that address those particular themes. But books that deal with an upsetting topic directly--(such as a book about airplanes that fly safely) can sometimes raise a child's anxiety level, even though they are meant to lower it.

And although many wonderful picture books have been written to help children understand death books about a wide range of topics may be comforting. After all, any story that is amusing and engaging can bring you and your child closer and help you to relax.

Children have the wonderful ability to take stories and use them to meet their emotional needs of the moment. For example, a child who is struggling with angry feelings toward his father might ask for Hansel and Gretel over and over, even though it does not deal directly with anger. However, the theme of rejection (the father abandons the children in the forest) and eventual reunion may be just what the child needs to hear.

If your child asks you to read a story again and again, it probably means that it is meaningful to him in some way. Even though you might be terrifically bored, it's helpful to keep on repeating the story as long as your child is asking for it.

It's hard to know ahead of time what parts of a story a child will find meaningful. So although Dr. Jana and I have compiled a short list of children's books that deal more or less directly with the issues of fear, death, anger, and safety, you should also feel free to try out a wide range of books that you think might be interesting.

Tips for reading aloud
In choosing books and reading them with your children, it's helpful to bear in mind three simple rules of thumb:

Read the book first, yourself, before reading it to your child. This can be hard to remember to do, but it is important. Not all children's books are really suitable for all children! You are the best judge of whether a book is likely to be upsetting to your child. Also, you can read aloud much more proficiently if you already know what's going to happen and if you like the book you are reading.

Don't feel that you have to keep reading to the bitter end. If your child loses interest, the best thing to do is to stop and perhaps try a different book. It may also be that the book has touched on issues that are emotionally charged for your child. Squirming or falling asleep may be your child's way of saying, "I've heard enough for now."

Invite your child to participate. Children learn most from reading aloud, and probably get the most emotional benefits, if they feel free to participate actively. That may mean making comments or even interrupting the reading altogether to talk about an idea or feeling that comes up. Reading aloud shouldn't be a performance; instead, it should be more like a discussion. Giving your child this degree of control may feel odd at first, but it will make the time you spend sharing books even more joyful and comforting, and may even give you some insight into your child's thoughts and concerns.

Get book suggestions here:
Children's Books to Soothe Worries and Fears


RELATED INFORMATION

			Reading Aloud: Nurturing Literacy
			Times of Crisis

	Violence: Times of Crisis
	Poetry, Stories, and Lullabies

Created September 17, 2001
Reviewed September 18, 2001

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